Surviving single mom postpartum life: Advice from women who know
My mom is a big fan! After reading my blogs, she encouraged me to talk about motherhood, postpartum life from a single mom’s perspective. She was a single mom, so she knows the joys and the struggles. Single mommas, we see you!
We are hoping that seeing how other women coped, survived and thrived will boost your confidence of living a similar story. They will tell you it was hard. They will tell you that there were days they just wanted to walk out the door or catch a nap. Yet, they persisted and are thankful that they did.
You might be finding our blog before giving birth and feeling overwhelmed and lonely. We are so glad you’re here and hope that reading this post will be helpful to you.
The wisdom shared here is drawn from many blog posts and questions and comments in online forums specifically for single moms about to give birth or after giving birth.
I would love to hear your experience and advice, so we can pass it on and encourage other single mommas just like you.
It’s just me. I feel so alone.
New parent guides often forget the single mom. This lack of consideration for single moms can magnify the pain. One single-mom blogger talks about just wanting to prepare herself for life after her baby by reading and researching. However, as she read, she often felt “assaulted” by the “we’s and threes.” She felt that somehow she was living an incomplete experience. She said that she had to learn to look past the assumptions that everyone is in a couple. What would you say about that?
One mom lamented that she spent so much time being sad about being alone. She wishes now that she had channeled that energy into self-care. What a healthy reflection!
Other moms worried about being in the delivery room alone. Moms shared that they did their best to have a supportive loved one or friend in the delivery room with them.
We know that this is not always possible for everyone. One mom reminded an anxious soon-to-be-mom that she never really felt alone in the delivery room. The labor and delivery nursing staff took such great care of her. They were mindful that she needed their presence with her through the entire process.
Build your village
If you haven’t had your baby yet, this piece of advice is essential for you. All single moms need to have their tribe. Single mommas’ lives vibrate with a need for those people who have your back, who can step in, who will refrain from criticism and judgment and bring on the encouragement instead.
Many women who have shared their experiences online talk about the necessity of having a support system. Who are the family, friends, and community resources on whom you know you can rely? Reach out to them. Check out this post for an informative list of resources for financial assistance for single moms. Single Mothers’ Outreach is a local organization that provides encouragement, training, and support to single moms. Here is a link to an online forum for first time single moms. You can post your questions and find community among women with this shared life experience.
You may have to learn to lean on people in ways you haven’t yet in your life. You have so many jobs: mom, nurse, housekeeper, financial manager, psychologist. There are more!
Many moms say that the biggest challenge was being able to get enough sleep. They just needed someone to take over the care of their baby while they tried to recover and rest. Your “tribe” could help in this way. Let them know your needs.
If you have the financial capability, you may want to hire a postpartum doula or a mother’s helper. They can help you to feel confident and empowered to love and raise your child from the very beginning. They will also be available to take over the care of your baby and some household chores. They can help to free you up to have time to shower, sleep or take a walk. If finances don't allow for you to hire help, finding ways to reserve your time at night for sleeping and getting help from friends and family during the day to complete tasks will also be extremely helpful.
On the blog, we have talked about postpartum depression here and here. Please check these posts to learn more. In most cases, a partner or significant other notices the signs of PPD before the new mom does. As a single mom, having another person, a member of your tribe, can help by watching out for you. Many women know about PPD; they figure it will never happen to them. This supportive “extra pair of eyes and ears” can help you identify if PPD is happening for you.
Are you grieving?
Many women choose to be single moms. Yet, you might be among the women who find themselves single due to a break-up, divorce, or death of a partner. You might be experiencing pain, loneliness, or fear at this time around the birth of your baby.
Motherhood also brings many changes for us as women in our identities and independence. You also carry the weight of all of the emotional, physical and financial responsibilities of your family.
Sometimes, these changes in our lives and responsibilities can bring grief. Even single moms by choice may experience grief for these same reasons.
No matter the reason for your grief, we encourage you to reach out to someone (we are happy to walk through this with you). Having support in this grief will help you to embrace your life with your baby with greater strength.
I just wanted to leave you with some encouragement from moms in the forum First Time Single Moms at babycenter.com.
“There is a really special beauty in birthing as a single mom, despite what society makes us think and our sad feelings about it. I hope the best for you and good luck whatever way you choose to go….”
“Although being a single mom is hard work. I’m constantly just wanting a break. Wishing I could pass my baby to my partner etc. but that’s not the case. It’s all me. Although it’s hard. It gets better.”