Transitioning From Baby #1 to Baby #2: How to Cope and Enjoy Life

You call your firstborn over to feel the tiny feet of your soon-to-be-born as they kick wildly. Your child marvels at the feet “sticking through your belly.” You recall to them the story of how they came into the world.  

Your child runs off and continues playing with their Legos. Yet, you're stuck back at that moment. All of the memories come rushing back. You once again cannot believe how much your love has grown for this little human.  

As you watch them engaged in building a robot-dinosaur, you can’t help but imagine how drastically all of your lives will change in a few short months.  

What will life be like for all of us when there are two of you and only one of me? Can my heart contain enough love for you both? Will we survive the sleepless nights and exhausting days when there will be no nap for momma while the newborn naps? Will the two of you get along and become lifelong friends?

This is one of those times when I am tempted to write the disclaimer, “Individual Results May Vary!”  I encourage you to let your experience be just that: your experience.  

But I am here to offer some warm encouragement, calm a few fears, and give a little practical advice as you transition from one to two kids.  

The Love Question that Every Momma Asks Herself (and how to calm that fear lurking beneath the surface)

Yes. You will have to divide your time, energy, and attention when your new little one arrives home. But, the beautiful thing is, your love for each of your children doesn’t have to be divided.  

Each of your children will bring out something different in you. You will be inspired by them differently. As a result, the love you have for each of them will be different but does not have to be diminished because you love the other.

You will learn as they grow and develop how you are enhanced (and sometimes challenged) by their differences. One of your children may love to slather paint on themselves. The crayon marks on your kitchen table are evidence that you have a budding artist on your hands. As you play and design clay creatures, you realize this child is helping you to indulge your creative side.  

Your other child is the life of the party. If they had it their way, your life would have its own running soundtrack; they always ask to have music playing in the background as they eat and play. “Ticklefests” are their favorite activity. This child reminds you to be light-hearted and playful.  

Perhaps the love for your firstborn has a magical quality because having them made you a momma. You experienced all of the intense “firsts” with them. Indeed, this type of love will probably not be duplicated for each child you have. 

But, there is a well of a different type of love that you will hopefully experience as you see them play together and begin to love each other.  

Maintaining your relationship with your firstborn (and your partner)

It will be normal for your older child to experience some jealousy when your newborn arrives. After all, they have often been the primary focus of your time and attention. That will change drastically for them once the baby comes. You can acknowledge their feelings and their fears.  

Remind them that your heart is SO BIG, big enough to have a special love for both of them. There may be times that you may need them to wait and to be patient, but you will do your best to make sure that the two of you still have special activities together.  

There are several helpful books for the new big sister or big brother, which you might read with your child. As you read the stories, you can explore which characters and feelings your child identifies within the books.  

The books can help to paint a picture of how your child’s life might change, but that this change does not have to be a bad thing. You can begin to manage your expectations for your child as they become the awesome big sibling.  

Once the baby is home, you can enlist the help of your child in age-appropriate ways. This will show them the vital role that they have in your family and draw them into the circle that you have with your newborn.  

Dealing with both children, you may not have much energy or time left for your partner. Your partner may start to feel neglected. Grab the moments where you can reconnect--30 minutes of cuddling on the couch while both of your children are asleep.  

I’ve got this, I've done this before!  Well, not exactly…

You may have this strange feeling of the familiar piled on top with a hundred unknowns when you transition from one to two kids.  

You may not worry as much when your infant has a fever of 102. You don’t immediately rush to the ER. You give them children’s Tylenol and watch it closely. You will flow from your previous experience with your firstborn. 

Yet your first outing to “library time” may remind you that you are in a totally alternate universe with two kids. Two car seats, two kids in tow, two kids to manage and keep track of during an activity: mildly controlled chaos!

It may be helpful to streamline and simplify your life.  

You will all have to eat, right? A great shower gift might be a meal prep subscription. Grocery delivery may also be a time-saving way to go. You might also ask your tribe of friends or family or friends who are like family to provide meals in the very early days of being at home.   

Your standards and expectations for a clean house or neatly folded laundry may need to be modified. You may have to let your friends and family know that you haven’t forgotten about them, but it may take a while to return a text or an email.  

What kind of a daily rhythm would work best for you and your family? Which people or things will you have to let go of to keep your sanity intact in this season of life? 

What can wait indefinitely?  What can wait for a while? Which moments can you set aside for 1:1 time with your older child and spouse? 

Where can you have moments to take a walk, grab an uninterrupted shower or simply sit and scroll?

If just thinking about all of this makes you tired, I get it. My promise to you is that there is hope. You will get through this. Some seasons of life with two kids will be harder, and some seasons will be easier. Give yourself a lot of slack. You are managing an enormous life change.  

When life seems too heavy, reach out to the people who love you and let them know your needs. I would be honored to walk with you on this journey of this new adventure in motherhood. My heart is for women at this period in their lives.